| A horse walks into a bar. The barman looks at the horse and says "Why the long face?" |
| There was a famous jockey who had never lost a race, when asked how he had done this he replied "I whisper into the horses ear and say... ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE HORSES THAT LOSE ARE MADE INTO GLUE!" |
| Q. What did the horse say when he fell ? A. Help me giddy up !!! |
| Q. What do you call a story about a hairy pony?? A. A pony Tail. |
| Q. What kind of horse walks around at midnight? A. A Nightmare!! |
| Q. What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks. |
| Q. What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on? A. A horse, of course! |
| Q. How many horses have three legs? A. They all do! |
| Q. What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house? A. All breeds. Houses don't jump. |
| Q. A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd. How is this possible? A. His horse's name was June 3rd. |
| Q. How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry? A. Start with a large fortune. |
The hardest part about learning to ride is the ground!!
| Q. What animal has more "hands" than feet? A. Why, a horse, of course! |
| Q. How long should a horse's legs be? A. Long enough to reach the ground. |
| Q. When do vampires like horse racing? A. When it's neck and neck. |
| Q. Where do horses stay in a hotel? A. In the bridle suite. |
| Q. What did the waiter say to the horse? A. I can't take your order. That's not my stable. |
| Q. What's the quickest way to mail a little horse? A. Use the Pony Express. |
| Q. How do you hire a horse? A. Put a brick under each hoof! |
| Q. What do you call pony with a sore throat? A. A little hoarse. |
| Q. Which side of the horse has the most hair? A. The outside!!! |
| Q. Do you know who wrote the book, "100-mile Horse Trek"? A. Major Bumsore |
| Q. Why did the horse go behind the tree? A. To change his jockeys. |
| Q. What did one horse say to the other horse? A. How's your hay fever? |
| Q. What do you call it when you pass a tail, ears, mane and legs? A. A horse. |
| Q. What's a horse's favorite sport? A. Stable Tennis |
| Q. What do you give a sick horse? A. Cough stirrup. |
| Q. What disease do horses fear most? A. Hay Fever! |
| Q. How do you lead a horse to water? A. With lots of carrots. |
| Q. What is the difference between a horse and a duck? A. One goes quick and the other goes quack! |
| Q. Why did the boy stand behind the horse? A. He thought he might get a kick out of it! |
| Q. What do you call a horse wearing venetian blinds? A. A zebra! |
| Q. Why can't horses dance? A. Because they have 2 left feet. |
| Q. Why did the horse take a biscuit of hay to bed? A. To feed his nightmares!!! |
| Our aim is to have the biggest collection of jokes and horse related humour on the entire world wide web! Please help us by sending in your horse related jokes! |
| Q. how do you say hungry horse in 4 letters? A. MTGG (as in empty GG) |
| HOW MANY HORSEPERSONS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?? WESTERN PLEASURE RIDERS: Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb, I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly and oh, my diamond studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it. Oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously you can't ride, you can do it. ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. DRESSAGE QUEEN: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought! CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing. EVENTERS: Woos! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross country, I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It'll put hair on your chest. Only dressage riders require lights, anyway. SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my butt? Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded. NATURAL HORSEMAN: You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video set available at $179.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer") designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get a introductory video thrown in, will behave as all good light bulbs should. CUTTING HORSE RIDER: It is going to have to wait until I lope my horse down another 8 hours, then take it to the practice pen 10 times. If there is time after cleaning it's feet, brushing the mane and tail, watching my set of cattle, talking to my help, getting back off and adjusting my cinch, bridle and other stuff that may need changing (bridle, saddle, etc) checking with my trainer to make sure we have the right cattle picked I may have my loper change that bulb after I show. HUNTER RIDER: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he’s changing light bulbs somewhere else right now. BACKYARD HORSEMAN: Do I have to do everything??!! Oh yeah, I do, don't I? I’ll get to it as soon as I'm done mucking stables, cleaning and filling the tub, cleaning and filling the water buckets, stacking my hay, setting up for night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and whatever else needs to be done. |
| HOW MANY HORSES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?? CUTTER: Make the turn back horse do it, I might break a nail. THOROUGHBRED: Who ME?? Do WHAT? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta here! ARABIAN: Someone else do it. It might get my silky mane dirty and besides, who's gonna read me the instructions? QUARTER HORSE: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want. STANDARDBRED: Oh for Pete's Sake, give me the damn bulb and let's be done with it. SHETLAND: Give it to me. I'll kill it and we won't have to worry about it anymore. FRIESIAN: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane BELGIAN: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then. WARMBLOOD: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75K as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100K? I am NOT changing light bulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it. MORGAN: Me! Me! Me! Pleeease let me! I wanna do it! I'm gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch! My parole officer said it's okay, really! And when we're done we can go over to the neighbour's and chase their cats! APPALOOSA: Ya'll are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the lightbulb, I ain't scared of the dark. And someone make that damn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double barrel him. HAFLINGER: That thing I ate was a lightbulb? |
Only horse people...
* Believe in the 11th Commandment: Inside leg to outside rein.
* Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue, neon yellow or purple.
* Think nothing of eating a sandwich after mucking out stables.
* Know why a thermometer has a foot of string attached to one end of it.
* Are banned from Laundromats.
* Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
* Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.
* Have a language all their own ("If he pops his shoulder, I have to close that hand and keep pushing with my seat
in case he sucks back".)
* Will end relationships over their hobby.
* Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
* Insure their horses for more than their cars.
* Will give you 20 names and reasons for that bump on your horse.
* Know more about their horse's nutrition than their own.
* Have neat's-foot oil stains on the carpet right next to the TV.
* Have a vocabulary that can make a sailor blush.
* Have less wardrobe than their horse.
* Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
* Know that mucking stalls is better then Zoloft any day.
* Believe in the 11th Commandment: Inside leg to outside rein.
* Know that all topical medications come in either indelible blue, neon yellow or purple.
* Think nothing of eating a sandwich after mucking out stables.
* Know why a thermometer has a foot of string attached to one end of it.
* Are banned from Laundromats.
* Fail to associate whips, chains and leather with sexual deviancy.
* Can magically lower their voices five octaves to bellow at a pawing horse.
* Have a language all their own ("If he pops his shoulder, I have to close that hand and keep pushing with my seat
in case he sucks back".)
* Will end relationships over their hobby.
* Cluck to their cars to help them up hills.
* Insure their horses for more than their cars.
* Will give you 20 names and reasons for that bump on your horse.
* Know more about their horse's nutrition than their own.
* Have neat's-foot oil stains on the carpet right next to the TV.
* Have a vocabulary that can make a sailor blush.
* Have less wardrobe than their horse.
* Engage in a hobby that is more work than their day job.
* Know that mucking stalls is better then Zoloft any day.